Over Christmas break, my whole family flew down to Florida to spend the holiday break together. What we anticipated to be a beautiful week of beach time, eating wonderful meals, playing cards as a family, and enjoying the hustle and bustle of the holiday season turned out to be a time of sick solidarity. Every single one of us got sick. And I’m not talking about the sniffles. Jill has been sick five times in the last twenty years, and even when she was sick, you never would have known. She still ran our family with grace and never once complained. This time knocked her down for months. And if it could take Jill out like that, one can only imagine what it did to me!
I’ve mentioned this before and keep mentioning it because four months later, I’m still dealing with lingering health issues. The fatigue has been awful. I constantly feel half asleep, dizzy, foggy, and drained. I’ve been to six different doctors between Minnesota and Colorado, and no one really knows what’s going on. I finally decided to go to the Mayo Clinic in Rochester. This is where you go for answers.
Last week, I spent three days at Mayo Clinic, did over 20 tests, and the result was…I have to go back in April for more testing! They still don’t know what’s wrong. They’ve thrown out things like chronic fatigue syndrome, long-term COVID, and chronic sinus infection, but nothing definitive.
I have to be honest, I’ve never been so frustrated.
I started slipping into a bit of a depression. If you ask Jill, she’d probably tell you I’ve been pretty whiny and feeling sorry for myself. My attitude has been subpar at best. It’s not fun walking around half asleep.
I have a friend, Matt, one of my top ten best friends in the world. One of the best guys that I know. He’s on his second round of chemo right now. Every Wednesday, he’s hooked up for six hours while they pump poison into his body to kill the cancer. I started calling Matt during his treatments to support him, but it turns out he’s been a gift to me. Matt’s attitude, while fighting for his life, has never once, not been positive.
As I sat and thought about my own health and more honestly, my attitude toward it, I kept coming back to Matt. He’s choosing to use the little energy he has to stay positive and let that fuel his fight. Meanwhile, I’ve been using my energy to be negative… and draining myself even more.
This was an eye opener.
I texted Matt the other day and said, “You are my hero. I’ll never be able to look at you the same. When you beat this cancer, we’re going to celebrate. I’ve spent three months complaining about chronic fatigue, and your attitude while fighting this terrible disease has been life-changing to witness.”
I don’t share all of this to gain sympathy, but because, as I continue to walk through it, I continue to learn and gain a new perspective.
Living half asleep has got me thinking. How many of us, even healthy people, are walking around half asleep?
Have you ever arrived somewhere and didn’t even remember the drive? Sat on the couch scrolling on your phone and realized you just lost an hour watching mindless reels without hearing a word your family said? Woken up, checked your phone, and let an email ruin your mood before your feet even hit the floor? Or gotten cut off in traffic and stayed angry about it way longer than it deserved?
Imagine your phone battery. What if you woke up after charging it all night and it was only at 50%…and that’s all the only juice you got for the rest of the day…50%? It’s inconvenient, but now you have to decide how to use it.
What calls are worth making? What can wait? Would you waste that battery life scrolling social media or watching mindless streaming shows? Or would you use it to listen to something that makes you better, a podcast, a message, something that fills you up instead of drains you? To read something that challenges you or gives you perspective? To check in on someone who might be struggling? To remind your spouse, your kids, or your parents that you love them?
There are so many moments in a day that grab for our energy. Some are worth it, but how many don’t deserve our attention.
What if we became more conscious about how we expend our energy? What if we gave our energy to the things that make our lives, the lives around us, and the world around us better?
And the things that try to drain us, but don’t actually matter, we let go.
What if we poured our energy into our families, our friends, our co-workers, and making a difference in someone’s life every single day?
Maybe you don’t have cancer. Maybe you’re not dealing with long-term COVID or chronic fatigue.
But where is your energy going?
Is it going toward frustration? Complaining? Things you can’t control? Or is it going toward something that actually matters?
I’ve been walking around for the past three months half asleep. My internal energizer bunny is half dead because of some sickness the dang Mayo Clinic can’t even figure out. But my hero, Matt, saved me from continuing the path of living half asleep.
We only get 24 hours in a day.
But that’s more than enough time to show up, to love people well, and to make an impact on the lives of people who choose to follow us.
How we spend our energy in those hours…and the attitude we choose to have…that’s what changes everything.
Let’s stop walking around half asleep…and let’s start living our lives, both personally and professionally, like my friend Matt does…blessed to be alive and fighting for another day. |
